Why I have opened the window!

Amerykah has turned a corner and we should all turn with it. I have thoughts ideas and suggestions but I also have patience and desire for us to be whole and one. I have been speaking a lot lately of the human condition and the generations of Black Americans. i will entertain any and all conversation as long as we can be respectful and grown up. Let the healing begin......

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Living the Lifestyle (A rewind thru time)

Occasionally I will come across an old post from my 360 days and repost it because " Hey why not it was good the first time. This is one such post...


Merriam Webster defines “Lifestyle” as the typical way of life of an individual, group, or culture.

I guess my problem with that definition is the word “typical”. I have more than a few friends who have struggled with coming to grips with their sexuality because of what they see as the “gay” lifestyle. I in fact remember my year of coming out when I went all queen. There were these two guys I met thru a friend and they were “typical”. They shopped for hours on end, they took two hours getting ready to go out, the spent a hour of that time whooping out make up kits in order to achieve that perfect look (most of these people were actors so they had stage make up), and they had to arrive at the club at exactly 12:48 am because that was the optimal time to arrive and be seen by everyone.

I just remember thinking to myself every weekend “What the hell have I gotten myself into?” For those who have never met me in person let me tell you a little bit about DJ. I sleep late, I fart often, I eat shit that is bad for me (well not so much anymore since I got a little older), I stand by the dryer so that when it is done everything can immediately go on a hanger so I don’t have to iron, I have bumps on my face at times (in high school my nose was one huge acne crop field), I love a good funny t-shirt, I love some worn torn (thru wear) jeans and when it’s cols a sweatshirt! I am not now nor will I ever be a fashionista.

If you ask my sister she will tell you I am not gay, I just like sleeping with men. I know a lot of people that have issues with their sexuality because they think they are going to have to act like the guys on Queer as Folk or Noah’s Arc. While those might be the loudest examples of “The Lifestyle” they are far from the only, sometimes it just requires opening your eyes. Not only have I been that couple but I have sat in restaurants and watched those couples. They almost look like two buddies out together for dinner before they hit the streets. But if you know how and where to look you see a couple that is out for dinner. They are both probably blue collar guys that live in the neighborhood and have dinner after getting off work before they head home to do laundry, pay bills, and if there really lucky make with the “dance of the wild monkeys” before bed. They might even go to the parade and maybe an occasional house party. Now how is their lifestyle any more or less real?

The “lifestyle” conversation is equivalent to saying that you are only a real black man if you were baggy pants and have done some time. While it is true that I have some friends that will dress a little hood, I have left all my hard time people as those first hook ups of 15 years ago, when I first came out into the “Lifestyle!”

1 comment:

bodacious said...

I have issues with the term "lifestyle". Straight folks have lives, we have lifestyle. Its a derogatory term that belittles who we are and what we are. We can’t expect straight folks to stop using it if we continue to put ourselves down by embracing the very same hate-speech that the haters have used to dismiss us. Get the word out, we don’t have a lifestyle, we have LIVES! Varied, individual, unique and worthy of respect, LIVES.